Things I Lernt In The South...

I'm proud of my heritage. And I absolutely love the South. When I read this email, I pictured everything on the list, just as it truly is...back home in the south! Enjoy!

• 
  
  A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
  
  There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.
  
  There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.
  
  If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
  
  'Onced' and 'Twiced' are words.
  
  It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
  
  'Jaw-P'? means 'Did ya'll go to the bathroom'?
  
  People actually grow and eat okra.
  
  'Fixinto' is one word. It means 'I'm fixing to do that'.
  
  There is no such thing as 'lunch'. There is only dinner and then there is supper.
  
  Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar.
  
  Backwards and forwards means 'I know everything about you'.
  
  The word 'jeet' is actually a phrase meaning 'Did you eat?
  
  You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
  
  You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH 'em.
  
  'No, Jew?' is a common response to the question, 'Did you bring any Sweet Tea?'
  
  You measure distance in minutes.
  
  You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.
  
  All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.
  
  You know what a 'DAWG' is.
  
  You carry jumper cables in your car - for your OWN car.
  
  You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Tony's, Tabasco and ketchup.
  
  The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports and motor sports, and gossip.
  
  You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
  
  You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit 'a bit warm'.
  
  You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.
  
  Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite pastime known as 'goin' Wal-Martin' or 'off to Wally World'.
  
  You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chicken stew weather.
  
  Fried catfish is the other white meat.
  
  
  

Crossing Borders...

I just want to see if I got this right...

If you cross the North Korean border illegally, you get 12 years hard labor.
If you cross the Iranian border illegally, you are detained indefinitely.
If you cross the Afghan border illegally, you get shot.
If you cross the Saudi Arabian border illegally, you will be jailed.
If you cross the Chinese border illegally you may never be heard from again.
If you cross the Venezuelan border illegally, you will be branded a spy and your fate will be sealed.
If you cross the Cuban border illegally you will be thrown into political prison to rot.

But...
If you cross the United States border illegally, you get:

• A Job
• A Driver's License
• Social Security Card
• Welfare
• Food Stamps
• Credit Cards
• Subsidized rent or a loan to buy a house
• Free Education
• Free Health Care
• A Lobbyist in Washington D.C.
• Billions of dollars worth of public documents printed in your language
• The right to carry your country's flag while you protest that you don't get enough respect
• And in many instances, you can vote

I just wanted to make sure I had a firm grasp on this situation.






.

Collegiate Ministry Newz From The Whaley's

Collegiate Ministry Newz From The Whaley's